Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I don't see myself as a complainer and I try to work hard. It's always been amazing to me the more I seem to do the more people expect me to do even when I tell them I can't. I know folks are busy but a kind word or an offer of help would be welcome. I guess I just got too few phone calls asking how I am and too many emails asking me to do this or that or saying this or that was expected and I've finally just had enough. Nary a word asking how I am doing. This isn't a plea for sympathy, either, just to let you know where I am right now and that I'm a little behind on things too.
For many years now I have had a bad back and kept on doing, because I had to - 'twern't' anybody else to do it. Over the last few years I haven't been able to do as much but ignored it. This last six months or so it has gotten progressively worse which is one of the reasons we planned on selling our home and now have it for sale. Which is also one of the reasons I concentrate on making slab and slump built ceramics because I knew my back wouldn't handle throwing. So I decided to do what I knew I could. These last few weeks have been terrible. It has gotten to the point where I can't sit or walk for extended periods of time. Terrible, too, because not being able to do what you normally do and having to ask for help isn't a place I want or like to be.
Do you believe in omens? In good omens? I like to think they are real. Up to this point in my life I feel I have been lucky, more than most. I also like to think I have made some of my luck from hard work. Striving to improve my life and the lives of others around me. Too often I think folks are misjudged by those who don't know them or their circumstances in life. For several years now I have striven to look beyond what I see as the outward person into the inner person of who I meet, or talk with, or know. I've tried to, (and this might sound hokey) but treat others as I would have them treat me. I am reminded of that line in the Rolling Stones song "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need".
Today I found good omens in the garden, one on the downspout - a monarch butterfly chrysalis. What joy I felt at this wondrous discovery. I got my camera and took a photo. Then I decided to see if there were any more chrysalis on the butterfly weed, Asclepias tuberosa, in the herb garden. What did I see but a monarch caterpillar. Then I saw another and another. And I remembered butterfly weed is one of the monarch caterpillar's favorite foods. What mystery and beauty and hope, right here in my garden, which I was lucky enough to discover today. Fear, of the future, of my back going out, and of not knowing what is wrong, has prompted me to write such a post, but here's hoping it will all be OK. Xrays and CT scan showed nothing unusual. Tomorrow I go for an MRI and I hope they find something (so I'll know what's wrong), but I hope it isn't much.