Friday, March 27, 2009

Feeling Real Guilty

Gary gets one week paid vacation per year. After five years he gets one week and one day (that's this year). Occasionally he can take an extra day off, but that's without pay. He took off for a few days year before last to take care of me because my back went out (feeling guilty). This year he's taken off a couple of days because of my back too (feeling guilty). He requested today off because we were going to go to the coast for the weekend, but then we decided to just go somewhere local because we really couldn't afford the fuel (feeling guilty I don't have a job with a more steady income), but this is the only time we can take off because in the summer I (guilty) have to water everything I (guilty) planted.

Our 4 year old refrigerator just quit keeping stuff cold yesterday. Some parts are still under warranty, hopefully it's one of those parts which went bad. We kept wondering why the milk was going bad and stuff didn't seem cold, then when all the ice melted out of the ice maker onto the floor we realised something was wrong with the fridge not the milk. So we had to throw everything in the freezer and fridge out, jeez what a costly waste.

Now I'm feeling guilty because my back is about ready to go out again. Gary was still going to go to the river by himself, but since there is no food in the fridge he didn't want leave me here by myself. He just wanted to go to the river to read a book and listen to the water. He went to town to get me something to eat and if we can't get a doctor's appointment, I'll try and talk him into going to the river by himself. For some reason my back feels like the disc is slipping in and out. As long as I am sitting down it's OK, but I can barely walk to the bathroom.

Besides all that, I'm feeling guilty because all I can think of is the bisque load is coming out on Tuesday and it has all the experiments I've worked on this whole semester. I need to get them glazed as quickly as possible so I can get them in the glaze load so I'm hoping my back gets better by then.

I really wish I was feeling guilty about getting a bonus like the AIG executives. I wouldn't give it all to charity or give it all back. I'd use part of it to pay someone to come here and make my lunch and help me to the bathroom and then Gary could go to the river for the weekend without worrying about me.

Edouard Bastarache from clayart's economic solution would help us because Gary is over 50:

There's about 40 million Americans over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece in severance with stipulations: They leave their jobs...Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto industry fixed. They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing crisis fixed. So simple.

Boy, that is such a great idea and not as costly (to us taxpayers) as a trillion dollars.

Well that's enough crying in my milk for today, take care of your backs, if you don't keep them in good shape, you can't do much of anything, and neither can your loved ones, and that's the feeling real guilty part. The flower for today is an artichoke flower from my garden from last year. The flowers are so beautiful, I don't have the heart to cut them to eat the artichokes. I prefer to let them flower.


  1. OH MAN I hope things even out for ya, and what a nice Gary he is.

  2. sounds like what Gary is doing is called love. I think that this is just how life is sometimes... this isn't all about what you've done or not done, etc. Gosh... what about finding someone to water your plants in the summer? I've been reminded lately that people love to help and care for you, they just don't know how always. I hope things do change there. Thanks for the 'moving' encouragement. Artichoke flower? beautiful. I ate a steamed artichoke recently-- the petals or whatever they're called. peace--

  3. I've been there with the back thing, not fun. Also been there with the quilt, Gerry works 24/7 for the AP and it is a really stressful job. I do what I want, when I want and have a really good time. But someone has to be a full time parent, that would be me. I'm sure you give plenty in the relationship to balance things out. Take care of that back!! there is pottery to be made. I loved the economic solution, so simple!

  4. Sorry to read that you are having such a miserable time of it. Backs are no fun at all, neither is the economy..., or lack of it! Artichoke flowers look like a gas flame (I find that they don't taste much better, but maybe I need a recipe), but they are so beautiful. We grow them to look at. I was sad to read of Gary's employment conditions; the one week's paid leave, plus an extra day after five years, is shocking. I think that our current New Zealand government would be rubbing its hands in glee if it could institute that, but they are trying to appear to be nice to us at the moment as they are only recently elected!
    Best Wishes for a Speedy recovery and good luck with your firing. P.

  5. Hi Gary, thanks, I've been so good not lifting anything since the episode before the holidays, but every once in a while I don't know what happens. The news has been saying the housing market is picking up, I hope someone comes along and buys ours - they will get the best producing fruit trees they can imagine. I'm feeling a little better now, had a shower and have an MD appt at 4:40 - not sure they can do anything though.

    Hi Amy, thanks, it is so dry here, we have most on drip but they are not automatic. It really is hard to get anyone dependable. We will keep up with the trees and shrubs, but the perennials may have to go by the wayside. I just hope we sell as there is a lot to do here mowing, weedeating, etc. and since we are trying to sell with all the competition of other houses for sale, we want things to look nice. You are right, I am lucky to have Gary, I actually had to take care of Gary when we were first married due to his back injury, so I guess alls fair.

    Hi Tracey, thanks, seems like all jobs are stressful nowadays, little did we know back in the 70s what the 2000 times would bring. We are hoping for a bitty house (and a bigger studio) with no yard care if we can only sell - soon I hope. The politicians need to read some of these forums and blogs and they'd see what to do to fix things - Edouard's solution is actually a viable one I think - give the money to the working people they know what to do with it.

    Hi Peter, thank you, I do feel bad for Gary having to work so hard for so little time off. Most of the Americn workforce have very poor working conditions compared to many other countries, and over the last 30 years it has gotten progressively worse, sad to say. My husband's sister lives in Australia and they are similar to your country in vacations and healthcare. Basically we live here to work, rather than working to live. To try and get ahead most work too hard - two and three jobs, hence back and other health problems. The economic conditions are bad, but there are also many cultural, social and political problems which are ongoing that need to be revamped before things become stable. I see that will be a long time coming. For artichokes I just steam them and eat the bottom leaves. The grocery here has the baby artichokes and they are really good. I guess they are an acquired taste, like the avocado and a few others. I saw the grocery had apricots from New Zealand the other day and they looked tree ripened.

  6. Linda - sorry things are tough for you right now. Things sure seem to come at you from all directions sometimes. I find this is usually followed by good times --

    I agree with the comments above -- you have a wonderful loving husband -- but I'll bet you do a lot for him as well.

    Hope your back is better -- your fridge is cold & filled (with an inexpensive repair) & you both are on vacation with all this behind you -- soon!

    I love the artichoke flower. I've never seen one!

    Be well & be happy & keep beautifying the world with pots & gardens.

  7. Hi Judy, thanks, my back is better and we sold our rototiller today, things are looking up. Not only are the artichoke flowers pretty, but the plant is nice looking too, it has huge gray, prehistoric looking leaves, a great contrast to darker green colors in the landscape.

  8. take care of that back... i have problems now and then and that's when you realize you can't do anything. try not to feel guilty, it doesn't change anything... <--easier said than done.

  9. Judy, all I can add.. quick healing, relief from pain, appreciation to your husband, and keep your spirits up in spite of it all.. the worm will turn. Joan T

  10. Linda, I do not know how "Judy" appeared in that post to you.. my gray cells are dropping off. Hugs, Joan t

  11. Hi Jim, thanks, I feel guilty occasionally, most often I feel angry because I can't get doe what I want to do in clay.

    Hi Joan, I knew what you meant. This time my back went back into place rather quickly and I was lucky, probably due to all the well wishers out in blogdom. thanks.

  12. hey- hope today is better all around! Thinking of you and wish for better days!

  13. Read your post today and I'm glad to hear that the back is back in place, more or less. Hope you and Gary get some time off together soon. It's the pits having to be careful of your back all the time. Love that economic plan. I'll vote, petition, march - whatever -for it. I heard a prediction that the housing market will get better in the next 6 months.

  14. Hi Meredith, for some reason my back problem only lasted a day this time, thank goodness. I wish I knew how to prevent it from happening. thanks so much for your thoughts.

    Hi Barbara, thanks, it really is the pits, I am so used to doing whatever I want without thinking, now I have to think before I do anything all the time (which might not be a bad thing). I hope your prediction is correct.

  15. Linda,
    Just reread some of the comments. Gosh, you are not alone in this job searching thing. Your determination in everything and your creativity amazes me, plus you're being so transparent in your posts.
    Hope your back gets better.
    Say, I'd still love to see some pics of your studio. :) peace-

  16. Hi Amy, maybe transparent isn't so good, who knows, thanks about the creativity - I have so many ideas drawn up in my sketch pad I am not sure I will ever get to them all, I guess that's why I am so determined. My back is better. I took some indoor photos of my studio a bit ago, but they were blurry, I'll have to take some more and make a post about my studio. It was a big mess after today anyway.


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